I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
