dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
