Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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