so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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