Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
