So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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