I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
