i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
