the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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