Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
