im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
