How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
