he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
