Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
wow bdsm is so cute
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
