I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
