Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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