Are we in a gay sports bar?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
