if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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