I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
