The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
