bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
