I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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