just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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