dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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