Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
God I need to hump something, right now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
