saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ladies don't puke and tell
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
