I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
