I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
