Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
