Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
