so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
