next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
