i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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