He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
