Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
