Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
