i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
