I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you never un-have a 4some
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
