I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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