Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
