last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
