We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
