don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
