he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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