I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
