At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
