I wish I could punch you in the face.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
