Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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