dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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