She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
