Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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