Quick, to the slutcave!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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