sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
