did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
