dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
