how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
