hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When did we convert life to cartoon?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
