The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It was confusing and full of hummus
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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